here we go again...

Another year, another attempt at weight loss. I've heard Men think about you know what 90% of the day, well I think about whether or not my jeans are going to fit tomorrow just as often. I would much rather be thinking of you know what... if you know what I mean. I sometimes wonder how my life would be different if I woke up everyday and didn't have to worry about feeling fat...is that even a possibility? You stick thin girls out there do you feel fat? Do you obsess about it as much as I do...

I've always wondered why I am so obsessed with food. I think first off it is because I was deprived as a child of treats. I remember on occasion my dad bringing home a package of starbursts and counting them out to make sure we all got an even number. I also remember having Hollie break into the locked cupboards in the laundry room so that we could have a cookie or a brownie. And lastly I think it should be noted that the Van Wagoner birthday tradition was to hide our birthday cakes under our beds, so they weren't gone by morning.

Lately I have been trying to figure out what makes me tick. I find a lot of comfort in eating, comfort that is hard to give up. When I am lonely, bored, stressed, happy, tired, anxious, excited, eating becomes my way of celebrating or wallowing in that emotion. I enjoy it....because of that enjoyment once again I am at the point where I either need to buy an entire new wardrobe or, simply hit the gym and deprive myself of the comfort I desire most.

This time however I have decided it has to be different. This is a struggle that I have to overcome...it is time to break the addiction, to find payoffs in life that are better than a double fudge brownie over ice cream. I've set some goals, I'm on my way....